Don’t Just Choose to Challenge, Choose to Change

Now that Women's History Month is behind us, for some, gender equality goes onto the back burner. The wave of media attention on women and equality that annually marks the third month of the year begins to wan as the month winds down. But now’s not the time to return to the same-old status quo. 

This year's International Women’s Day theme was Choose to Challenge. Unlike a fad diet, however, this is not just a 30-day challenge. March was simply the starting block in this marathon to challenge the business world to get the right policies and practices in place so that we continue to move forward and offset the devastating impact of Covid on progress towards gender equality.

According to a new report by the World Economic Forum, 2020 was so devastating for gender equality globally that it will likely take another 151 years — 36 more than estimated just 12 months ago — to close the global gender gap. 

Don’t Just Clear The Hurdles – Get Rid Of Them

To me, choosing to challenge implies two things: an active choice, but also a decision as to what, or whom, you're going to challenge. To counteract trends such as the ones we’ve seen this year, it’s going to require a very active challenge at a far more foundational level than ever before.

This year I’m teaching an undergraduate class at Princeton University on gender in the startup world. As I undertook the research for my class, reflected on the readings, and prepared my lectures, I started to get dismayed by the severity of the macro (societal), meso (organizational) and micro (personal) gender-based barriers that are so comprehensively and consistently found in the literature. Surely it couldn't be this bad? Surely things have gotten better. Or have they just gotten worse?

I started to think about my own journey and experiences, and was equally disheartened at the number of instances during my career when I saw these barriers in action. The countless times I observed unconscious bias, the battles to ensure that women got adequate sponsorship and recognition, the constant double standards and double binds. 

The obstacles have been – and are – strong and plentiful. Archaic cultural norms on the roles of women, deeply-established gender stereotypes, and circumstances where women's voices are actively silenced are systemic macro barriers that should be long gone and yet continue to impede the progress towards equality in so many ways.

Meso barriers such as less mentorship, fewer role models, and a lack of access to networks and/or developmental experiences for women are firmly rooted inside the culture and practices of many corporations.

Layer on top of those the micro barriers, such as imposter syndrome, and you have a paralyzing combination to stunt the growth of women in leadership roles.

With so many obstacles in the way, it’s hard to understand how women have even gotten out of the gate! But, we have. In many parts of the world, women have succeeded in all aspects of social, political, and corporate life. We have increasing numbers of terrific role models to point to, and many success stories to share. The sentiment expressed by newly-elected U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris in her victory speech captured this momentum perfectly: “While I may be the first woman in this office, I won’t be the last.” 

The Gap That Creates The Gap

Women's issues in the workplace are business issues, and business issues are everyone's issues. Gender fatigue is real, but our work is far from over. Sustainable progress is going to require us all choosing to challenge things at a fundamental level. It’s not enough to acknowledge the gap that exists between genders, we also have to examine the “gap that creates the gap.” A question I challenge my students to think about each week. 

Doing that requires a return to first principles and choosing to challenge some basic incongruences that create gaps of all other kinds. First amongst them, the incongruity between the qualities and attributes we’ve historically associated with women and the qualities and attributes we’ve historically ascribed to leaders. 

In the context of a post-Covid world, we know that the leaders of tomorrow will have to be different than the leaders of yesterday. Empathy, communication, community-building, collaboration, humility, curiosity – these are all skills our future leaders will need if we are going to successfully deal with a world of increasing uncertainty and change.

In the past, limiting, gender-biased descriptions of women as nurturing or emotional somehow implied they were less ‘natural’ leaders. Thank God women are, in fact, nurturing, because the world needs it, even more so going forward. But we also know that women are resilient, inspirational, adventurous, and brave. The perspective we bring to whatever role we undertake is shaped, always, by so much more than our gender. 

On the flip side, we must also say goodbye to the limiting attributes that have traditionally been assigned to men. Our accepted ‘norms’ for their contribution need to be expanded to encompass the various nurturing, caring and supportive roles many men play in the lives of women, not to mention their capacity for great empathy, compassion and, yes, nurturing, as leaders too. 

I’ve always subscribed to the well known adage on career success: Before you start climbing the ladder, make sure it’s leaning against the right wall. Well, before continuing to bang our heads against the same old gender equality walls let’s choose to challenge things at a far more foundational level - one that topples the wall for good. 

The 6 A's of Success for Women

I created the ‘wisdom cards’ in 2019 to share the distilled wisdom I have garnered over two decades of working with and observing some of the most successful organizations and leaders in the world. These cards cover career and personal development, leadership, business, technology and a host of other areas.

Here, I’ve gathered some of this advice and insight into six essential nuggets of wisdom for women in particular.

1. Ask

Ask for everything you need to succeed – at work and at home.

Research shows that men enter into negotiations four times more often than women and are more effective at negotiating on behalf of themselves. The effect of not negotiating your starting salary, title or terms of your promotion compounds over the course of a career.

Before such a conversation, do your research and know your market and worth. Prepare for the conversation and rehearse your lines. Frame your mindset as if you are asking on behalf of someone very close to you.

Think about factors other than compensation that you need to succeed, such as budget, team numbers etc. If you have a partner, ask for the support you need at home and for an equitable division of household tasks.

2. Advertise

Don’t assume that if you do great work it will be duly recognized and rewarded. Unfortunately, that’s just not the way the world works.

Have you ever shared an idea only to hear it repeated elsewhere without attribution? Or worked on a team deliverable but didn’t get to present it?

Who gets the credit matters. All these assignments of organizational ‘value’, be they conscious or unconscious, influence who gets ahead. Men, in general, are better and more comfortable with self-promotion.

Be your own best advocate and don’t leave your career trajectory and success to others. Look for ways to make your contribution visible and make people aware of your skillsets.

Speak up during Q&As so your knowledge is recognized and be sure to recognize the contribution of other women. You can also address issues of non-recognition with colleagues (ideally in private and in a fact-based, non-emotional manner).

3. Assert

Find your voice, articulate your opinion and assert your presence.

It’s one thing when organizational conditions discourage you from speaking up, but another when you allow the voice in your head to silence you. Your presence, ability to ask great questions and level of articulation are a key part of your personal brand and how competent you’re perceived to be. So invest in your communication skills – it will pay dividends every day.

Learn the art of effective communication, including how best to frame your remarks. If you’re an introvert in meetings, rig the room. Have an agreed signal with an ally who’ll draw you into the conversation or ask you a question.

In asserting your presence, watch your words. Don’t be so quick to attribute your success to ‘luck’. How you describe yourself affects how others see you.

4. Authentic

Great leaders are genuine and authentic, which means being yourself – skillfully.

We all want to be ourselves at work. Leaders recognize the importance of consistently showing up as the best version of themselves, given the context.

This is far easier to do when you work in a place where fitting in with the dominant culture isn’t a stretch given who you are. Having to pretend to be someone you’re not is exhausting – like being smothered from the inside out.

Authentic leadership requires great self-awareness, so get to know how you are perceived by others. Develop some style variation but don’t adopt different personas based on other people’s expectations. Be consistent around your core values and attributes, then tweak things slightly for the occasion at hand.

Have coherence between how you feel, what you say and what you do. Otherwise, it’s very difficult to be authentic.

5. Abdicate

Know how to delegate, learn how to say no, and have no guilt about dropping the ball. As organized, competent and successful as you are, you’re not superwoman. Nor should you try to be.

As a wife, mother and professional, I believe I can do well at two out of three at any one time – and that’s on a good day! Be OK with that. Give up the need for perfection and drop any semblance of guilt.

Say no to things, especially thankless tasks unrelated to how value is recognized in your organization. Create leverage in all aspects of your life – at work and at home. It’s OK to drop the ball on things at home – the world won’t end!

And when you delegate, be clear about the outcome and truly empower others.

6. Afraid

It’s OK to be afraid. Even the most successful women have their version of imposter syndrome.

Fear can play a far bigger role in our careers and lives than we realize because it rarely shows up as fear. Instead, kids, personal obligations, the idea of not being qualified enough and so on become the reason we don’t push ourselves ahead.

All fears boil down to two varieties: the fear of not being enough or the fear of not having enough. Even procrastination, when you peel back the layers, is the fear of not being enough.

Remember: a lack of confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t let the invisible hand of fear shape your destiny nor the negative roommate in your mind ever silence your voice.

Being afraid is a natural part of the process and the more you stretch yourself, the stronger the fear becomes. See it as a sign that you’re on the road to something great and invite fear along for the ride!